Dilly World

The way I feel about music these days is far different from when I first started in 1998…I’ve seen Japan, Germany, Amsterdam, Paris, Brazil and every state in the US and all of Canada. I have seen murder, disappointment, heartache all in the pursuit of “the dream”.

This dream has let me pass many opportunities up selfishly with false hopes that it would come true. I could have been a lawyer, scientist, a trap-boy, a fire man or a phone salesman…Yet I chose my dream over being comfortable. 

I have been so close that I have smelt the smell of success. But how would I know its success if I was never successful?? My dream said it was success and I can have that too.

I watched my friends get signed and blow up…MY close friend is the King of R&B now..while 6 of my other homies are on Yung Money and the rest are killing the independent game. Am I bitter at their success?? NO.

Indeed I applaud that we still have one thing in common..We are all living and reaching for our dream and doing everything we can to reach it. We don’t sit back and wonder “what if”..we go and go until we can’t go anymore.

I been around this industry for awhile and what do I get called???? Up and coming..the biggest insult to a 13yr vet. Im not new to this. I know every person you watch on TV personally…Yet you don’t know me..So that makes me a nobody I guess??? I don’t think so.

I have been signed many of times only to be lied to, mislead, used and thrown away like a prostitute musically. Used as a muse for writing and ideas and “pulling hoes” ..It was a rough time but I chalked it up as “experience”.

I left many of women in tears for wanting me to leave my dream and follow their way. For a woman could never fulfill what my music has for me. She can touch me..But not the way a new verse or a hook or a perfectly produced instrumentation can caress me.

I have come to realize that in the pursuit and all these years of sacrifice that I may not ever be “the next big thing” and im prepared mentally to deal with this. I understand that in terms I will always be looked at as “The little rapper who could” in my own eyes. Sometimes I blame myself for not letting people invest in me or signing deals I shouldnt have. But I come to realize that destiny is destiny.

If anything is meant to be it will be..So instead I focus all my energies on doing me..I dont worry about what my counter-parts do. I release my music for free and i sell some..With hopes one day that I realize that while I have been chasing my dream for all these years..I was always living in it. But I haven’t awaken to realize because the dream isn’t over yet. I hope it never ends.